There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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