quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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