If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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