Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
