Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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