I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
