you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
