Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two words: eviction party
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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