NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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