Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
