you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
