I will die if light touches me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
