I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
