if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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