my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
