Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize