The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
