I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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