I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
