I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
