these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
