U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
