I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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