I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
two words...techno handjob
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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