A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
