piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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