You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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