ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
