just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
