if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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