Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
