Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
