Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
