garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Life is so much better after having sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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