Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
