woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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