Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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