Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
