Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize