It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
