Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
