Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
