EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
