My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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