i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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