He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
