My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
