Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
