This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
