I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
