I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
