Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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