im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
