Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
