Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
