Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
