Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
