i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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