I bet he comes in French.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fuck appropriateness.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
