I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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