So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
