I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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