I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
