Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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