She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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