i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
