But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize