I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
