I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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