Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
