we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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