So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
