I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
