After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
