Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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