She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
