the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize