I wish my penis had an off switch
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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