i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
