she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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