I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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